I liked him, I really did in fact more than a lot, after the “we need a break” conversation from my ex, he was the one I would have chosen to have a long time relationship with, but things don’t always work out like that. Though we kind of had something going on, there was always that element of wondering whether he was really into us. I mean we had fun together we texted lots of messages and just seemed to click but after a date we had had I realised maybe we both want different things out of this relationship I was trying to build.
I was hoping that we would be more than just I don’t know what to call it…in a perfect world I would have wanted us to be exclusive or something not that he was seeing anyone but I wanted to be the only one in his heart. I’m more of a traditionalist when it comes to falling in love and romance. I like to know where we stand are we a couple or just hanging out?
Unlike poetry where words just fall into place life is not as simple as one would like it to be. Hmmm…I liked that guy and I think he liked me back, I’m not sure coz sometimes he did things to show that he liked me but other times I couldn’t read where the wind was taking our relationship. It was kind of complicated because he was sort-of-kind-of-maybe seeing one of my friends. It’s not my fault that they were not sure of whether they were dating or not. But our friend told us that they were dating and at that time he was showing interest in me.
He’s a nice guy and all and also romantic. Like he gave me this really small cute stuffed animal and we texted sweet messages almost every day and stuff like that. When our friend said that the two of them were kind of going out I just stepped aside I didn’t want to be that friend who betrays their friend and anyway I don’t like sharing a love interest.
On and off they were and I think something happened that the two of them broke it off. Well she never told us but the two of them were distant. I on the other hand just decided yeah we get along nicely with the guy so I didn’t want to end our friendship. And I thought things were going on well. I even went to the guy’s house and we had lunch together which I cooked.
Things started developing and I had an inkling of almost falling in love with him, so I had to know where we stood in our whirlwind of a fling. I just simply asked whether “us” could work, after a bit of silence for a few days he replies with something that was totally unrelated and I knew. He was not on the same page as I was; he wanted more of a non-commited thing while I wanted his heart. Us was never going to work at all. So I decided there was no way I was going to stick around and wait for him to decide if he wanted a real relationship with me or not and that was that. We planned to meet up and talk about it but it never happened, that was almost two years ago.
So out of the blue I get this text on my birthday…strange number so I send back a reply asking who is sending the text and who is it meant for? It turns out it’s from him. My heart kind of skipped a beat and I felt all fuzzy inside for a split second. He always had that kind of effect on me. It was that kind of message that you send your boy/girl friend…like we used to send each other. A split second later I just replied telling him that he was a few years too late to be telling me that kind of message. Though I wished for a moment that I didn’t turn him away but what’s passed has passed no need to dig up old skeletons.
Where was he when I wanted him to tell me that I was the only person in his heart and all he wants is me to be in his life, maybe I was mad but now I am indifferent. We could have been so happy together. He was the kind of guy that I was looking for, he loved and appreciated poetry, something my ex didn’t really show an interest in, he was romantic and shared his feelings with me unlike the ex who didn’t really talk much about feelings. He was almost perfect. I don’t want to be an afterthought; I should have been his only one but too bad for him. He let something good go and I don’t regret it because I am okay.
Live in Burgundy Moments