You know when you think of a cougar you imagine some 60 year old woman having ‘relations’ with a 20 year old boy…no offence, I imagine someone saying ‘none taken’, no? Okay. But honestly I never in my wildest dreams imagined or thought or dreamt or fantasized that I’d be dating someone younger than me. Do they even call that dating? Let’s just say ‘seeing’ a younger man…who’s 5 years younger than me, sound better than me being 5 years older than him right? Maybe not.
So back to this stud of mine…we kind of ended it…running too fast lady! I don’t know why do such relationships end as fast as they started? I have a theory: when the dynamics of the age difference come into play the equilibrium shifts and forces…I really thought I was going somewhere with this. Who am I kidding, mostly its just because one or the other wants more than they can get from such an arrangement. The other wanting more was me so its not really a scientific equation.
I keep thinking should I have ended it? We were good together maybe not perfect but good. When i tell you it started fast i mean it WAS fast! Maybe it helped that we knew each other before, we were kind of friends. He told me he liked me before now like back in 2013 but he didn’t know how to tell me. He wasn’t sure if I was dating anyone or not. You gotta love secret crushes, somehow they find a way to manifest eventually.
Fast forward to December precisely 22nd December, confessions were made, acceptance done, whirlwind of a romance began…wait!…oh yeah fast forward again to March, it ended. That was fast huh?
Somewhere along the line, a short line by the way, I think I knew I was falling in too deep with this guy who wasn’t really ready for a long time thing. If you ask a guy where this is going, which they dread being asked (note to self)…hmm maybe I killed my own mocking bird with this…If you ask and he tells you ‘i don’t know what I want from this’ really where does that leave you and your tiny little heart? I’m most likely just afraid of a heart break so I run when I see one coming.
I was a cougar, that thought is…almost…comforting. It’s weird but on the bright side it means I’m hot enough for a much younger guy to want me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in my very late twenties…that age thing, but still feels nice to know you’re attractive enough. I have weak moments that I just want him back, probably all the time. Maybe it wasn’t made clear, by me, that it was over, oh why do people get addicted to each other?
I feel I should probably keep seeing where this is going or maybe not? I don’t know, he just seems to be in a different time zone. I watch him with his friends and am like he should be dating someone his age probably younger than him. I get jealous of chics his age hanging around him but he told me the age thing didn’t bother him so it shouldn’t bother me. I never even told him my age, just that I was way older than him. Bottom line is, I still want him but I still want more, more he can’t give me…