11.26pm Saturday 14th February 2015

Another Valentine’s Day alone. He lied. Saying he’d be my valentine, waited for him on a cliff of my heart. So am alone again on 14th February, he made me believe I’s be his valentine yet he let me down going silent on me. I’m done with him, he’s no one to me. I hate that I actually thought I’d go out with him on Valentine’s Day. Had so many expectations ati I’ll be able to go on my first Valentines date after a long while. I know I shouldn’t have expected anything from him seeing that he never keeps his word at all. When will I ever get away from this loneliness? I’m tired really tired but I have to make it work for me. I will get that one person who will be right for me who’ll want me every day and want to see me all the time. I will get my real Valentine.
I can’t tell anyone about the loneliness I feel eating at me like maggots chewing away at a decaying substance. I’ m tired of this why can’t I seem to be happy, is it too much to ask that I be loved? That I be held in someone’s arms who regards me highly enough to want to me?
Am feeling lost again. I don’t want to care anymore. Nimechoka (I am tired). All I feel like doing is sleep with someone. I feel empty unfulfilled, not lonely not even horny yet I want to have him or him or him, so many hims. Why do I stress myself with people who do not matter anyway? I don’t care anymore whatever men! How does life become so fixed on a level of change that becomes morally correct in terms of finishing last or maybe even first? Lastly emotions that burn are less intimidating than laughter.

Afternoons of hard knock sleep overdosing on love spell that bind. Cheery laughter hazy cries all a sound I’m loving now. Tastes becomes bound in lusts of dentures gone by. A snare of hearts labour pains at dawn.


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